That’s not what you’d expect to hear from a parent when summer is almost over. Most parents can’t wait for summer break to end. And to a degree, I’m right there with you. I share your pain.

My kids are loud, they fight, they tease each other and I can’t count how many times a day I hear, “I’m so bored.” Like every other parent, I get frustrated and angry with my kids just about every day they’re not in school.

But here’s the thing. I miss them when they go back to school. Even though they can drive me crazy and sometimes even make me wonder why I had so many kids, I still miss them. But there’s more to it than that. It’s more than just missing them.

The real reason I feel sad when school starts again is that it makes me reflect. And that makes me realize they’re one year older and one year closer to being gone. Childhood goes so fast and with each passing school year, I realize my kids are getting closer to being out on their own and no longer with me.

Our youngest is 4-years-old now, which means this is her last year of being home full-time. It tears me up inside when I think about her going off to school next year and getting on that bus for the first time, or walking through the school doors for the first time. If you’ve been there, then you know what that feels like.

It all starts with watching your kids head to kindergarten and the next thing you know they’re heading off to college and your nest is empty. It happens too fast.

Ammon’s first day of kindergarten

It’s hard to even write about it, and you can bet I’ll have an even harder time when that first day actually comes.

I will REALLY miss having her around. I work from home so we spend a lot of time together. Plus, full-day kindergarten is a long day for a 5-year-old.

Will she be OK? Will her teacher be nice? Will she get seated next to the bully, the snooty girl, or by that kid who picks his nose and tries to wipe it on other people? Every class has one.

It’s going to be tough for her but it will probably be even harder for me.

I still remember when our oldest started school. We had two other kids at home so it was a little different, but he was the first one and it was hard to watch him go.

Here was my best buddy leaving for several hours a day to do who knows what and hang out with who knows who. We had spent the last five years together, playing, laughing, and just doing everything best buddies do. Then he was gone.

Tyler, first day of 10th Grade 2016

Now that he’s 16 there are some days that I only see him for about 30 minutes just in passing. In two more years, he’ll be done with high school and ready to start life as an adult. That time was so precious but it went so fast. And now, it’s gone.

That’s the thing. Time never stops and the older you get the faster it goes. Truer words were never spoken.

When our older kids were young I really tried to spend as much time with them as possible.

But now, when I look back over the years I always wonder if I could have done even more. It sucks because you realize you can’t go back and get a do-over.

Whenever I reflect on how quickly the time has gone and how fast my kids have grown I wish I could go back and do it again. I get this way at least twice a year: when they have a birthday and when they start the new school year.

There’s just something about them leaving the house again, one year older, one grade higher, and one year closer to saying goodbye to childhood.

Yes, our house will be a lot more peaceful when they go back to school, and yes I will be able to get a lot more done. But all those hours they spend at school will be more hours they’re not spending with me, and hours we can’t get back.

So, if you’re pulling your hair out and just counting the days till your kids to go back to school, just remember, you can’t get a do-over. They’re only kids for a few years and then those years are gone. Enjoy it while it lasts!